Should or Shouldn't I?

I am not a good decision maker. I doubt about so many things in life. Normally when I have to choose between 2 major things I WILL ALWAYS seek others' opinion. I am never good at making decision. Never. (well, accept when it comes to shopping, I am always sure of what I have choosed to buy.haha) As independent as I may look, deep down I am rather a confused girl. My mother said my future husband would have to bear with me because I make changes in every seconds of life and I am never going to stick to one stand! =(

This afternoon I had a team meeting together with the big boss. And suddenly they give me this big shocking news that I didn't know how to react to. Should I feel happy? sad? nervous? I just didn't know. This is a major life-changing decision that I have to make. Will it make progression to my career? Now, I have no clue. Does this shows that someone superior than my manager is seeing my potential? Maybe, 40% of me said yes. Am I ready and confident enough for it? My answer would be yes and no.

My line manager was a bit concern about this, so we had this 'peep talk', where she gave so many tips and she was quite open to me: she did pin points the areas that I need to improve on. I clarified everything to her, telling about my plan and seeking her honest opinion. It was a good talk, but in between the lines, I could see that she was quite upset about the news. So here you go..a typical me, feeling guilty and torn in between.

That was when I thought of performing Istikharah, hoping that everything I do, anything I have decided on, is for the better and is approved by Allah. I once read an article by Tok Guru Harun Din that this is something that a muslim should do constantly in daily life, not only when he/she has to make major choices. But being a human, especially a negligent person like me, Istikharah is not what I always have in practice.=(

Anyway, this is what I have found in youtube, where I would love to share with those who read this post and especially to those who have to make major life-changing decisions: whether to undertake a major project or not, whether to apply for a promotion or not, whether to change career or not, whether to invest in a certain company or not, whether to get married or not, whom to get married to, etc.

It is not necessary that you get a dream or even a “feeling.” Rather, the istikharah is a prayer that Allah guides you towards that which is best (khayr) for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikharah) with the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly and next-worldly affairs.

In general, when it is not possible to perform the istikhara prayer itself (such as when one is out on the road, or in one’s menstrual period), it is recommended to simply read the dua itself. [Radd al-Muhtar]

Another video that I'd like to share in this post: